Authenticity: When Do You Reveal Yourself to Someone New?

Posted on Posted in Dating

It’s 2 AM in the morning.

I was on the phone with my best friend talking about life, living in  truth and honoring one’s purpose, etc.  We frequently have these philosophical discussions.  However, we are two chicks from Philly and New York proper so our conversations go from abstract to “hood girl” practical fairly quick.

Tonight was no different, we were giving each other updates on our respective lives and I was telling her about a new guy I met for which I was cautiously optimistic.  I told her I felt like I wasn’t “good enough” for this person and that I was surprised he even SEEMED to like me even though I was acting like myself.

She inspired me to share the following BRIEF recount of what’s been going on with me personally and hopefully it helps someone out there.

One day me and my girls met up because I told them I wasn’t having success with online dating.  I let them read my correspondences with my online suitors to which they both reprimanded me and told me I need to soften up and act like a lady. (whatever that means)  I tried their approach for about two weeks and it was emotionally exhausting!

I went out on dates with guys I didn’t like.  I entertained conversations and didn’t act and speak authentically because I didn’t want “rub the guy the wrong way”.  However, last week I reached a breaking point and decided to abort “Mission Girly Girl” and revert back to being me.  Then all of a sudden I met this guy.

He actually seems normal.  He has a decent job and all his edges. He’s educated but down to earth.  Loves to travel and has even worked overseas. However, he didn’t reveal any of these things up front.  When we started interacting, I was my authentic self i.e. sarcastic, independent, confident, loud mouth of sailor chick from Philly.  What I found was the more I revealed who I was to him, the more he revealed to me. At one point he said “I would ask you why  you’re single, but I already know why.  While you may be intimidating to some guys, I’m not sensitive, I’m up for the challenge and think your attitude is sexy as hell” While I don’t know where things will go with this guy, the moral of the story is this.

Who you are will eventually reveal itself.  I’m not saying you should tell your entire life story on the first date, but why operate in a fraudulent manner just to secure a relationship only to take wake up one day as someone that you’re not.  I have to be comfortable with who I am when I look in the mirror and I need someone to be comfortable with that reflection, blemishes and all, if they end up with me.

What are your thoughts? Do you have a different persona when you first meet someone of interest? If so, tell me about it in the comments!   I can’t wait to it!!

Until Next Time…


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2 thoughts on “Authenticity: When Do You Reveal Yourself to Someone New?

  1. I’m with you CAG. I think too often people send their representative on first dates – either who they’re trying to be or who they want you to think they are. And it really just wastes time because as you said eventually the real person will show up. If a potential partner can’t appreciate the person you are then ultimately s/he isn’t worth the time anyhow.

  2. I’m with you CAG. Far too often people send their representative on first dates – either who they’re trying to be or who they want you to think they are. And it really is just a waste of time because the real person will show up sooner than later. If a potential mate can’t appreciate you for you then s/he isn’t worth the time or effort anyhow.

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